Unfortunately, my cat card has been punched by resident fiend & now
sits on your lap, expecting Jesus.
In my opinion, only cancer patients and psychopaths have cause to model bandanas.
If you suffer from the former, may you be put out of your misery.
If you are afflicted by the latter, may you put me out of mine.
You are Monday morning personified.
I suspect the Holocaust was the extent of your education on coexistence.
If I have to receive another lunch-time sermon, I’ll fulfill my already profound desire
of covering myself in silverware and traversing a toaster expo.
Please refrain from opening your mouth, you have an uncanny talent at mimicking the sound of a thousand ATM’s screaming insufficient funds.
I heard Mum and Dad crucified each other to pay for your flannel and I think it was a waste, they’re practically giving away hospital gowns and lobotomies these days.
When you read this, which in itself is a miracle, as my name is neither Peter or Paul,
make no mistake, this is wholly personal.
I really dislike you.
Wishing you spontaneous combustion,